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Comments:
Had my style been a little less 'intense', a little less 'deep' and more 'normal' for a man (the last were my exW's words), our relative styles perhaps wouldn't have been too far apart where we couldn't work to bridge the gap and find common ground. Also, we each dealt with stressors differently. My style is more 'dive in, embrace those emotions and empathize' where hers was 'detach and analyze'. Our incompatibilities stemmed from style differences. When facing the same issues, she needed space and I needed a hug and neither of us were getting what we felt we needed. This reflected our historical family dynamics, where she would retreat from the rancor of her childhood and I and my parents faced everything as a unitized family. A marked example was, while I was caregiving (my mom recently died from dementia), I told my exW to observe carefully as the way I was caring for my mom would reflect the care I would give her if she were ever to unfortunately contract a terminal illness. She looked at me like I had two heads and neither of them were recognizable. IOW, it didn't compute for her. Something which was obvious to me, that 'diving in and dealing with it', was antithetical to her. That doesn't mean she was/is bad or wrong, merely that she had/has no frame of reference to understand my perspective, nor I hers.
I chose to be single a few years back for like 5 months. It was great. I was having noncommittal sex often enough, and my high-volume bartending job kept me busy and in the constant company of others, so I didn't feel lonely. And getting hit on by so many male customers left me feeling less "unwanted" than most single women. It worked and I was happy. Then I met a certain boy, lost my job, and that was the end of that jolly single streak.
He told me about it right at the beginning of when we got to know one another, fully aware that it might drive me away.
They sure have some nice.... iMacs.
more of lefty please!